I’m writing this as I fly home from my grandfather’s funeral. My grandfather was one of my favorite men: strong, light-hearted (maybe not with poker or golf ;), and a gentleman. He was so proud of his family and lived a full life—living and traveling all over the world. His favorite home was by my grandmother’s side. Grandpa’s body is at Arlington, his heart is forever with us and his soul is in the clouds. I love you Grandpa!

This week provoked a topic that I often get asked about: keeping mementos, especially those of a loved one who is no longer with us. (I live across the country from all of my family and so I use these for living relatives as well.)

There are a few things to keep in mind regarding memories. Things are not memories and they are not the person you are missing. They can, however, help trigger memories of a joyful time. The memory is always within you. This brings up a second point: Make sure items you keep remind you of purely joyful times or aspects of someone. If an item evokes guilt, resentment, sadness (other than from missing the person) or any other negative feelings, maybe it’s not the right thing to keep. Don’t keep it because you think you should or because nobody else wants it... there is somebody out there who will get joy from it.

Another thing to think about is what objects really capture the person’s spirit for you. I’m a fan of keepsakes that can be used regularly or add beauty and joy to your life. The more items you keep, the less special they become so pick a few and really honor them. You want them to play a role in your life, not take it over. And don't let them attract mildew in the attic. Here are a few ideas to keep the memory of a person without adding clutter:

1. Wear a piece of their jewelry or clothing. I use handkerchiefs from my grandfather, aunt and mother. The only watch I own was once my grandfather’s. I have a few clothing items from my grandmother and mother that get rotated into my wardrobe. Make a wearable item of theirs one of your essentials and wear it often... you'll have a lovely, effortless memory.

2. Use a letter or card from them as your bookmark. I’m usually reading or researching a few books at a time and I have three bookmarks—all cards from beloved relatives: my aunt and two grandmothers. I love seeing their handwriting. I love being reminded that they love me. I love being connected to them while I read before bed. (I also like to do crosswords when traveling like my uncle and father.)

3. Decorate with a single item of theirs. Our guests sleep on my grandmother’s sheets and my aunt’s pillow cases. We have very few knick knacks on display, but a few special ones are a giraffe from my grandmother’s condo that I grew up playing with, a small box of my great-grandmother’s that I use as a jewelry box, and my grandfather’s dog tags (he gave them to me almost 20 years ago!) that I keep hanging on my bedroom door. Displaying a vintage photograph is also lovely. (Note to self: find a photograph or two to display!)

4. Take on a hobby of theirs. Learn to knit like grandma, or to cross stitch like an aunt. Read a book series that your uncle loves. I used to listen to Dick Francis audio books on long drives like my grandfather did. When we play cards, we play with a set of my grandfather’s.

5. Add one of their recipes or rituals to your repertoire. If I’m lucky, Greg will make me an Old Fashioned at 5pm on a weekend just like my grandfather would do for my grandmother. At Christmas, Greg also makes his grandmother’s holiday cookies and sometimes my aunt’s chocolate-covered cherries. I’ll make my grandmother’s crab cakes. Even if a recipe takes a long time, it’s the process of making it that serves to remind and strengthen the bond. I can see a beauty ritual being a nice way to connect with a loved one as well.

I hope these ideas can help you choose ways to remember loved ones without feeling cluttered, guilty or stuck. You can honor someone without owning all of their stuff. Try to have a reminder of the past that doesn’t keep you from living in the present and looking forward to the future! I know, for me, my Grandpa would want it that way. <3

+ I loved the beautiful things Anne Sage had to say about her grandmother. “I'll bring with me one of Grandma's most precious gifts: the lesson that while happiness comes from making our homes for ourselves, the truest joy lies in making them for others.” I can certainly relate.

+ Yay! It’s the last post of the month which means a new monthly habit and a recap of last month’s. These monthly experiments help me build healthy habits, break unhealthy ones or just learn more about myself so I can figure out what’s really essential!

Are you tired? I've been tired for a little while now... some lame jet lag, Airbnb guests, and lovely dinners that go late into the night. I think we feel and act like the days are longer in the summer and it can wear us out. True, the daytime is longer but we still have only twenty four hours and it’s just as important to power down in the evening as it is in the winter. I’ve been trying to fit more in and am feeling the consequences. I’d like this month’s habit to be related to getting more sleep.

Greg and I have read a few books on sleep in the past: The Promise of Sleep (the author has crazy but inspiring boundaries around bedtime!) and Internal Time about the effect of our individual circadian rhythms on our sleep habits. Both helped change my relationship with sleep and inspired me to take more responsibility for my time. I’ve done sleep experiments before and, since I don't sleep in well, I’ve noticed that the most important thing for me is to focus on my bedtime.

In Bed by 10 or Zzzzzzz August!
Our goal for August is to be in the bedroom by 10pm every night. With getting ready for bed and reading or journaling, this might make lights out as late as 11pm which is fine and much better than 2am!
+ For this month, sleep will be the priority over work, projects and socializing.
+ Yes, this will mean less socializing and earlier evenings in for the month. It's only for a short time. There's one night that we already have tickets to a late show and that will be our one free pass.
+ We’ll commit to limiting evening activities and being home by 9:30pm.

Overall, I’m hoping to get more rest and feel more rested. It will also be nice to practice consistency in our sleep and bedtime routines. What would your ideal bedtime and lights out time be? Will you try it for a month with us? Or are you willing to try for a week?

Reflections on the July Habit: Journaling:
Hmm, I’ve had an interesting month in that I’ve been calmer than usual and my world has been more chaotic than usual. I’m feeling pretty good and I’ll give some of the credit to Journaling July! (I’ve also been meditating heavily and reading some helpful books.) The experiment was to spend a few minutes at the end of every day journaling and I managed to do it every single night in July! That’s my best success rate ever.

This challenge was a little easier than others have been but that’s a good tactic: to make habit changes small and achievable to begin with. I made myself write every night but allowed a page some nights and just a few words on tougher nights. If I had stricter requirements, I would’ve skipped it a few times. My entries weren’t as deep or emotional as they would’ve been if spaced out more but I did kind of track what was going on and how I was feeling about it. Again, with journaling, we tend to be kinder to ourselves, get more meaning from our experiences and simply get crap off our minds. As a creative, it’s one of the best ways to get new ideas!

Greg had a different experience. He wrote only about a third of the nights but had longer, more detailed entries. He also chose to write on his laptop which I think complicated things. It was faster for him to write but on certain nights, if he was already in bed, the laptop wasn't attractive. So, I think the choice of medium does have an impact on the practice.

Overall, I’m a big fan of journaling every evening… with a few caveats! I found that on nights I was more pressed for time, journaling took the place of reading. Boo. I also think it’s most helpful if you tend to be a more emotional person… although I have a friend who journals invention ideas daily so there’s that. Like most things, you get out of it what you put into it so the deeper you delve, the bigger the shift.

I’ll continue to journal when going through something difficult or processing my feelings. In the thick of it, it’s hard to remember the benefits but they are so there! (Still hoping it will help with my writing skills ;)

Memories of Loved Ones

August Habit: In Bed by 10 and a July Habit Recap